Banquet Spy

Okay, so anyone working in the hospitality industry, in restaurants, bars, and banquet halls will admit--if they're honest--that there are some...um...how shall we say it?...interesting characteristics various ethnic, religious, and social groups seem to have. When it comes to waiting on these groups, there are often certain issues, circumstances, and preferences that one has to consider.

First let me state that I know I am treading on shaky ground in discussing race, ethnicity, religion, etc. in what might amount to politically incorrect terms. I am not about to make generalizations about any of the groups I mention. I am going to speak from personal experience I have serving these groups, and from the observations I have heard other staff make about these groups. I have served all of the groups I will mention at least 10-20 times, some more. Further, I personally belong to one of the groups I will be discussing, and while that doesn't make it okay to bash them, again, that's not my goal.

Everyone, every individual person has their idiosyncrasies. Groups of people also seem to have some commonalities in preferences, habits, communication, etc.

In the next several posts I will be discussing some of my serving experiences and takes on Syrians, Greeks, Jewish people, Catholics, Indians (from India), African Americans, the Irish, and various groups of Caucasians that I lump together under the term "White Trash". This term should not offend anyone who doesn't identify with the description. This term is not to be confused with just average White people. I will discuss how you can tell the difference between the two. And for those of you who are truly racist, yes, there is a difference!

I could go on and on making disclaimer after disclaimer so as not to offend anyone...but I'm not going to. Almost everyone is part of some "group" or another, and I think everyone will admit that group dynamics can determine behavior, that people can be very different when met individually than when they are part of a group, and that culture exerts a powerful influence upon perceptions and actions.

Stereotypes can exist not only because of ignorance (which is the popular belief and true to some degree), but because enough people of a group exhibit common behavior so as to be noticed by individuals not of that group. Often people of one group can completely understand the behaviors of another group and simply not agree. And obviously just because a person is a member of a particular group does not mean they fit the stereotype of that group. I don't go around assuming that people are going to act a certain way based on a stereotype. Conversely, there are plenty of people who seem, after personal experience, to fit a stereotype to a T.

The key to not becoming a racist is to not give in to hate because of these differences. Being color blind or culture blind does not help anyone. It is better to acknowledge diversity, appreciate what you can of it, and eschew what you can't appreciate if you will, but accept its right to exist. It helps to become introspective and try to figure out why you don't like a particular thing about a particular culture, but it's ridiculous to live in denial that something rubs you the wrong way. It's best to seek understanding of oneself. Often, for me, it has simply been the group dynamic--any group--that causes people to rub me wrong. I tend not to like too much of any one thing, and that includes more than just people.

Finally, some of the posts coming up, based on my real life experiences, will completely contradict common stereotypes. I have found one or two groups that are commonly perceived (in banquets) to act one way act completely opposite towards me. This shows the fluidity of perceptions, how they can change over time.

UGH! Okay! Enough! None of my lofty beliefs negate the fact that certain ethnic groups are really challenging to serve, or are "high maintenance". Take it like you will!

Hotel Management for Dummies...Your GM has already read this!

Wherever you work, wherever you are, do you ever get that persistent creeping feeling that retarded baboons and thugs are running the place? Whether you are dining at a downtown restaurant, dragging your duffel through a hotel lobby in Toledo, working at a major convention center or even a local bed and breakfast, do you consistently run into obstacles that thwart all attempts at peaceful existence?

Does your boss constantly think up new ways to make your job and life more difficult, and at the same time achieve the sparkling success of decreasing business, efficiency, profits, customer service, and overall happiness and satisfaction for everyone?

If this sounds like you, welcome to the Hospitality Industry!

And Hotel General Managers are especially nimble at formulating new rules that serve no purpose other than to justify personal predilections, past bad decisions, and their own jobs.

Take my workplace, for instance...

According to one pseudo-spy at the front desk, there is a total lack of leadership within the hotel. This, apparently, was not always the case. Since a new GM took over about a year ago and of course since the "economic crisis" the hotel has steadily been weaning itself of all employees capable of acting independently and thinking creatively.

The employees that are left over are usually somewhat willing, but lacking in creative thinking and the ability to take charge, communicate, and coordinate efforts to improve things. What's left are the grunts, and the few people that could take initiative (some few are left) won't because for whatever arbitrary reason the doors to advancement were slammed shut on them and now they're bitter. They linger only long enough to either find other employment or achieve their side goals.

The few employees left in just slightly higher positions than that of "grunt" are repeatedly shuffled about departments like a losing hand of cards, while upper management desperately tries to wring out some kind of wayward success from their tired bones. "Hmmmm....let's try out random employee X in Housekeeping...sure, he's the front desk assistant manager, but I bet he'll learn all there is to know about cleaning supplies in no time at all!"

Folks, this is just one small example of one giant problem. There will be many more posts offering further proof that Hotel Management is for Dummies!

The Good, the Bad, and the Rotten...Suspicious Work Perks

Here's an interesting new program about to start at my workplace...

In these "tough economic times" the hotel wants to help the workers out by selling them discounted grocery items. There would be a different menu of items each week, and these items would be sold at cost, which presumably is lower than supermarket prices, thus saving the employees untold dollar amounts.

Now, folks, I don't mean to be pessimistic, but I have a couple of different takes on the deal:

After reducing the menu and restaurant hours (which they have done), they now have a smaller total food order for their distributors...therefore it increases their food costs because, as we know, the more you buy the lower the price. In order for the hotel to keep their costs low they probably have to order more food than they need, resulting in waste (shrinkage). To offset this waste, they plan on selling the excess food to the employees at cost. This way they maintain their volume discount and recoup their costs.

While this seems good on the face of it, I have a few problems with it...

The oh-so-magnanimous language in the announcement, posted in every department, touts the program as doing workers a favor in these hard economic times, thus making employees feel what I believe is a false sense being valued. It makes us feel like the hotel is really going out of its way for us, when really there's an ulterior motive.

The program masquerades as a perk for us, when really it is an advantage for the hotel as well. A big advantage. If we don't buy their stuff, their costs go up. It's a two way street, not a grand gesture.

I wouldn't have a problem with the program itself if the hotel just came clean about how it benefits them as well as the employees. It's okay to be frugal, but please, people, be honest about your motives. Don't try to hoodwink us into thinking we're "valued employees". This is corporate sneakiness at its worst.

The other problem I have is that the food they're going to sell is probably stuff that's been laying around unused for too long, like canned goods approaching their expiration dates, meat that's about to turn, and fruits and veggies that still look okay but won't last more than a day.

Well, I'll post again later on this topic once the program is underway, and we'll see if I'm right or just paranoid!

Anything for the Employees...NOT!

In these tough economic times everyone is tightening their belts. One way my current place of work is trying to trim the fat is in employee perks. Unfortunately, these perks are one of the few ways that exist for employers to retain talent, especially in light of other more drastic measures like salary and hiring freezes.

So, in a not so genuine expression of appreciation, rather than cut the one free employee meal (usually consisting of luke-warm buffet leftovers), they have narrowed our choices down to two specified chafered dishes to be set out for both the lunch and dinner shifts. Now, these might be a pasta type dish and a vegetable. That's it. Even from an old leftover buffet there was a choice of at least four dishes and a salad, or sometimes sandwiches from a cold deli platter. Some of the workers are vegetarians, so now they have to eat cold string beans instead of a nice healthy salad with assorted veggies. I say "cold" string beans, becuase what they now do is throw two chafers down and light them once...and when the fuel is gone, Oh WELL! It's cold food and tough luck! And some people don't eat red meat, so they're really in for a treat when the only entree is meatballs (not turkey ones!) and the side is old ziti with not enough sauce on it to color the blandness.

And now, gentle readers, to the crux of the biscuit, so to speak: This, friends, is not a "Company Measure of Employee Appreciation", oh no. They tell you that it is so you think they're being magnanimous in these hard economic times..."Oh we're such a caring company, we wouldn't completely cut out the employee meal, no, no".

In reality it is a "Corporate Management Technique" used to trim our perks away, saving them just enough so they can keep their management perks coming. They put out two really crappy meals so no one can complain too much without looking ungrateful, but everyone hates them so much they just stop eating them of their own free will, eventually paving the way for management to cut out the employee meal completely, because "Just not enough employees are taking advantage of it".

Never mind about the not too subtle hint of buying a new microwave oven and setting it up near the breakroom. Maybe we should bring our own meals...YA THINK?!

Times are tough...even when they're not, Part Deux

Other crazy budget cuts and practices are:

• Re-using and re-using and re-using food (This has to be the number one gross thing!)
• Turning off lights when the area is not in use (but I always seem to need these areas, and I'm still not allowed to turn the lights on. One day I'm going to lose a finger or an eye, and then they'll be paying me more than the light bill costs them!)
• Keeping on extremely redundant management staff and laying off more essential personnel (The management gets so warm and cozy that they hate to get out of the bed they share, so they lay off 50 poor shmucks who make a whole lot less and who desperately need their jobs to make up the salary differential.)
• Remodeling the outside of the hotel and ignoring the inside (Can you believe it, the outside of our hotel, while nondescript, was in pretty good repair; the inside in desperate need of updating in some key areas, especially the ballroom, which is a main money-maker...so they decide to cut the ballroom remodeling budget and put froo-froo trimmings and garish paint on the outside to, I guess, make it look bigger and brighter from the road. Never mind the out-dated interior and the cutting back of amenities, naw, those thangs don't matter a bit.)
• Giving folks less for the same money (Believe me, though it's considered "chic" to exercise portion control and emulate some fine French restaurant with just a dab of meat and a dollop of potato, it's just not cool to cut back on the perks that frequent guests have become accustomed to, like complimentary breakfasts, pillow chocolates, and guest appreciation events.
  There's no sense in undermining the hard-earned goodwill of guests and customers. It takes years to earn your reputation, just minutes to throw it away.

Times are tough...even when they're not.

Everyone is talking about the economy, how terrible it is, it hasn't been this bad since the depression, yada yada yada. And for the most part it would seem true, however the largest ballrooms and convention center-hotels are probably not doing too shabily. I mean, where are you going to go when you have to seat 300 or more people, and sometimes as many as 1,000? And people are flying in from all over to attend, so they'll need accommodations. I can see where the small fry would miss out on the business and have to lay off some staff, but the big fish? No, out of the question.

Now, according to our state of the company meetings, we're doing better than ever before, and especially last year, we surpassed sales of prior years by quite a bit. We've even been told outright in the banquet department that we're not downsizing staff.

Yet, in spite of all this rosy info, everyone is on edge, and what seem like arbitrary changes are coming about with the "economy" as the excuse.

For instance, OH MY GOD! Make sure you never punch in early, even by just five minutes! We can't have any overtime! But the "management that be" feel free to overschedule our hours, resulting in a net loss of hours paid for employees (i.e.: I'm scheduled from 4p-12a, but the event really ended for servers and bartenders at 10p--the event just went on independently until 12a, resulting in workers losing 2 hours of paid labor). People count on their scheduled hours, but they never feel badly about shorting us $20-$30 in our pay, do they?

What the Heck are they talking about?! A Meeting of the Minds...and much disgust.

Working as a banquet server or in any similar occupation can be an exercise in the study of human nature and human dynamics. One can hear all kinds of things while setting up a lunch buffet behind the pipe and drape. I have overheard everything from drug companies discussing how they could rush their product through with minor testing to FDA approval to how to bilk the elderly into expensive retirement homes that sap their entire incomes. I have heard a major political party chapter and its local governor chat blithely about what they can expect to spin on the unsuspecting public, and I've heard masters of marketing making anti-semitic and racist remarks about the very same people they're trying to sell to.

It seems that once people get behind closed doors they feel free to say almost anything...but they're forgetting who's listening. I stand there under the bland guise of a banquet server, I just watch and listen to some of these meetings, and by the end I can tell the liars and the manipulators from the sheep. I can tell the good-intentioned and honest, but often ineffectual people from the yes men.

But this is not to say that it's all negative information that one learns about people or situations. I have gotten some pretty sound financial tips from some of the many meetings I, um, attended. This is one of the perks of being a Banquet Spy!

Incidentally the picture above is just used as an example of a meeting in a ballroom, not representing the actual meetings blogged about.

What about that dinner roll...?

Where has that dinner roll been?

• Growing stale in a box with other dinner rolls of its race for 2-3 days, hopefully in a plastic bag of some kind, later to be placed in a hot-box to "soften up" as much as it can (before turning rock hard again) 

• Out on some buffet for an hour or more, at least 2 times prior to its final resting place (your stomach)

• Rolling around on the floor for no more than 5 seconds (you hope) before being picked up by someone's ungloved hands and replaced promptly in its serving bowl or basket

• Taken from a lovely sealed plastic bag inside a newly delivered bakery box and placed into a sparkling clean bowl by latex-gloved hands (you wish)

• Baking in a nice hot oven, cooling slightly, then wrapped (by gloved hands) in a warm cloth napkin with others of its kind, placed in an attractive basket and served within minutes of the entire process (optimal, but dream on)

Okay, actually not every dinner roll is created or treated equally. Some are freshly baked on the premises and some are freshly delivered. Yay! Some are used and re-used, salvaged from 1-2 hour long buffets, and unfortunately, yes, some are dropped on the kitchen floor, only to wind up in the serving basket (ugh!). I have seen the best and the worst just from my current place of employment alone, and it all seems to depend on just a couple of things: the chef's monthly budget and the personal ethics/hygene of the person(s) preparing and serving the food. In fact, I have to admit, that most of the time the banquet servers who get the rolls ready in their cloth napkins do not use gloves, however, most do wash their hands before handling the food. We're always very careful to use latex gloves in front of guests, though! Now, I personally would never put a fallen roll out for anyone. I take the do unto others approach. I do not mind someone touching my food with bare but clean hands. Somehow I don't think the health inspector would agree, though.

The picture of the lovely fresh baked-looking dinner roll would seem to be an example of the optimal dinner roll situation.

Coming Soon...

Welcome everyone...these pages will soon explode with anything and everything you ever wanted to or didn't want to know about banquets, weddings, conventions, special events of all kinds, from the perspectives of guests and hosts, and from the people behind the scenes...servers and bartenders, kitchen staff and management types alike, from the lowest to the highest and everything in beetween. Didn't you ever want to know what really happens when you send your food back at a restaurant? Aren't you vastly interested in the crazy sociology of people at holiday parties? Don't you want to delve into the drama of human dynamics to uncover the absurd, nightmarish, and banal lurking in everyone (and at everyone's wedding)? Join us for a revealing romp through the daily life of a...Banquet Spy!